I had a godawful night of broken, interrupted sleep and what sleep I did get was while lying in a funky position. As a result, not only am I exhausted but my left collarbone hurts like a sumbitch. Now, I’m not only tired but achy as well.
I wake up and turn on the news as I do every morning and it appears that the world is just continuing to go crazy. Hurricanes, tornadoes, tidal waves, tsunamis and evil, evil people as far as the eye can see. I’m just about sick of the world right now and I’m certainly sick of evil people. You can’t turn on the television or walk out your front door anymore without being bombarded with shit.
I feel better knowing that I’m not shit but it is beginning to make me feel a little bit lonely. Is that a weird thing to say? It seems I can no longer articulate what it is I want to say and it’s a bit frustrating. I just wish the news had better things to tell me some mornings.
Man, am I tired.
Yesterday was an alright day. I got a lot of cleaning done and completed another movie. This one was called Reign Over Me and it was fantastic. Heartbreaking…. but fantastic. Maybe the movie is what has spawned this mood in me as I can’t seem to get it out of my mind. I’m not quite understanding why Adam Sandler didn’t get an Oscar for it. He was phenominal.
After the movie I did some cleaning and played with the kids. Dean-o came by at around six or so for about an hour to drop some stuff off and play with the kids and chat. After he left I made the kids a late dinner and gave them baths, got them tucked into bed and then settled in sort of half watching the television. Emi and I went to bed and sprawled across the sheets and watched Idol and then fell asleep. But, the sleep was shortlived as Emi kept waking up in the night and Olivia at some point came in bed with me and pissed herself again.
Olivia very rarely pisses the bed but it seems that when she does she feels the need to do it in MY bed. It drives me crazy.
My life has gotten so stupid and boring that I don’t even know what to write about anymore. I have half a mind to just get rid of this blog because my posts have turned into dumb ass ramblings about my day. I may as well just keep a diary or something because I have nothing really to say anymore. I’m trying not to write about anything going on in my life that means anything and it’s pretty difficult to stay on the surface of everything. It makes for a very boring blog and a very pent up Kyra.
Maybe it’s just today because I’m really overtired. Like REALLY tired for some reason. I need coffee. I need sleep. I need coffee and sleep. I want to curl up in my bed for a couple of days without any peeing Olivias or stirring Emis waking me every half hour. Sleeeeep. Then coffeeeeeee.
I’m out of both.
I’ve been thinking a lot about technology and what would happen if it just disappeared for about a month. Namely, the internet and cell phones and television. One month. I think it would be awesome. People would get out of the house. They would spend time doing things with their families. Heads would clear and fog would be lifted from eyeballs.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the internet these days and I have come to my own conclusion that it is evil. Sure, it provides information at ease in comparison to the past but are people really smarter as a result? Are kids doing better in schools now that they have the internet to give them information?
No. No they are not.
Remember the days when you picked up a book or an encyclopedia to learn things? I do. My shrink Dave says the internet is the most dangerous place in the world these days and I agree. Sure, it’s fun but maybe it’s the wrong kind of fun. There seems to be no physical communities anymore and everything is done on the internet now. Friends are made here, love is found here, fights happen here…. and maybe these are real and genuine feelings but they’re very controlled and superficial. Your feelings and emotions are birthed from someone or something that has carefully chosen what it is they want to reveal to you. You see what is meant for you to be seeing. We as people have gotten lazy and the internet is a place that promotes laziness. Relationships are easier than they are in real life and you just don’t DEAL any longr with actual living, with responsibilities and things getting in the way. You log in at your liesure and there you go. It’s very addicting because… it’s so easy. All of your words are thought out and calculated before you type them and there is not much for spontaneity in such a controlled atmosphere. Of course it’s easier than truly living. You have minimized your comfort zone to a nineteen inch screen. Your entire life is lived on a screen.
I’m rather sick of it.
I’d love nothing more than for the internet and cell phones and television to just cease their existance. All of them have their great qualities but when it comes to life, they all do more harm than good. They destroy families and retard children, make people fat and confine people’s imaginations and desires to nothing more than a tiny, safe space where their lives play out on a monitor in front of them. It’s an awful distraction from real life… an addicting one in it’s ease and self gratification…. but a distraction none the less.
And people don’t even realize it. They are happy as hell to live in their nineteen inches. It becomes their happiness. It becomes their identities. These manipulated and well thought out identities suddenly become real and honest to them in this plasma screen world where they deal with nothing, face nothing and can simply log off when something causes them unwanted feelings. How wonderful to just log off from real life. But unfortunately life is still moving on around you and you are not dealing with it. You cannot log off from real life. Can you imagine that?
To a degree, I’m just as bad. I certainly watch a lot of tv and here I am on the internet right this very minute. The difference is that I am not happy to feel as though all of my friends are online. It’s great and everything but I also need friends in real life. People I can do things with, who’s faces I can see off cam, who’s hands I can hold or who’s laugh is quick and out of nowhere. I love having friends off my computer. I get to see people interact and break out in giggles over something their kid has done. I get to hug someone who lost a loved one. I get to converse about things without having to think about the words I am going to type first. I get to reach out into the world instead of reaching into the screen in front of me. It’s wonderful.
Technology is a dangerous thing. It warps the way we think and fucks with our emotions. And people are okay with that. It scares me to see people get sucked into the screen. It scares me when they fail to see reality. What is your reality? What is your life off screen and how would it improve if you just logged off?
For me…. I care more. I care more about people and things when I log off. Suddenly I want to play with my kids again or I might miss someone I haven’t seen in a while. My house gets cleaner and I go out more and do more things. I hug more. I’m nicer to people because I am interwoven in them. My relationships with people get better. I’m inspired more as a person. I want to do more.
MORE MORE MORE MORE.
It’s so weird that this word continuously comes up when talking about life away from technology. But it’s true. Life is more when you get off your ass and go live it. Go away. Step away from the screen right now and quit warping your mind. Go pet your cat and see how happy he gets from such a small action. Go hug your child and see how happy you feel from another small action. Pack your family into the car and go see life. You can find it anywhere you look. Things start moving forward. One observance begats a conversation and a movement is made. Emotions are born. Work is done and you are fullfilled. Not every waking moment has to be lived by thinking, “when I’m done with this I can watch that show” or “when this is over I get to hop online”. Yet, this is how so many people are living now…. just wading through the motions until they can escape into their screens and away from real life. Running to the safety of the crispy, white walls we build around us. Distract distract distract.
Being online is being offlife.
Now go pet your cat. It feels good to make someone or something else feel good. And for heaven’s sakes… get the fuck off the internet and go do something with your life! It’s hard… you are probably addicted to how easy this is or how good it makes you feel like any other drug. But it is dangerous and life wrecking and should only be used in moderation.
Go make someone smile. Trust me. It feels a lot better than this does.
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